Hold the apologies please.

   That moment when you are talking to a stranger and they ask about your children. The word autism comes up and this is the moment I think in my head, don't say it just please do not say it. Then, they say it, "I am so sorry."

   That is a moment my heart just drops and I do realize people don't know how that response can come across. You see, I associate apologies with loss or wrong doing, never the state of one of my children. I have had the biggest dose of what is considered socially acceptable I have ever had in my life since my son was diagnosed with autism and yet that apology is a seriously socially awkward moment that happens way to often. It is also a moment I know how that person views a child with autism, as though I just said I had a broken child and I don't.  My son is behind his peers and he fights to cope with overwhelming situations but the last thing I would describe him as is broken or a reason for anyone to apologize to me. In fact it surprises me I can tell someone I have two teenagers in my home and a little one with autism is what serves up an apology. Anyone who has two teenagers in their house knows exactly what I mean by that in total humor of course.

   When my son was diagnosed it felt like our world came down around us but that feeling didn't last long for me. It lasted until Our Trip To Paris came to be, when that first advocate told me I might be mourning my son and having a child with autism is like thinking you have a ticket to Paris only to get off in Holland. He said "you expected to get off the plane in Paris but you look around and it's Holland. Holland is nice, but it's not Paris." That moment was the moment I realized just exactly how the world was going to view my son. Like he was not what I expected or enough and that it must be a let down for me as a parent. Absolutely not and the biggest let down in that process is that anyone would have suggested I felt that way. How could I have possibly looked at my then two year old son and feel what he was, was not enough or an unexpected let down? That was something I had no idea how to even do and I thank God my mind just doesn't work that way for myself and my son.

   I have heard a lot responses to the word autism on this journey, some fantastic and some a little strange but the only one that truly bothers me is the apology response. I imagine myself being able to grab their head like in a SyFy movie and let them see our lives unfold both good and bad over the past two years so they truly understand why an apology is really not necessary. In fact if that had superpower I could literally change lives by just grabbing people by the head for a few moments. I know they would see the world differently and slow way down to experience the details of life they might be missing. Unfortunately I don't have that ability and I only have that quick moment to respond and my response is always with a smile, taking a chance if possible to change their perspective on autism. To often that idea revolves around a violent child, an out control child, and they immediately view me as a woman who must be broken herself for having to deal with it all. I have been broken in my life a few times but not once has being an autism parent left me feeling like life is to hard. The opposite because I have a four year old life coach waking me up every morning.

   Being a parent of a child with autism has taught me more than I could have ever imagined I would learn in life as a person and as a mother. Would I prefer my son to not have to struggle? Of course and one of the biggest struggles he will face is how people view his difference. I can only hope when he hears an apology from someone he will understand that they just do not understand and it's never a  reflection on who or what he will become and that I believe will be whatever he wants. 

Thank You Autism Unlocked!

http://www.autismunlocked.com/

               Today was and is the launch date for the Autism Unlocked Talk to Learn Program. I have written about this program in the past and have been patiently waiting for it to begin. This morning Phillip and I sat down to give it a try and I can tell you in just a few min he was responding to it. He isn’t able to type so I did that for him but he responded in a communication way that was fantastic. He enjoyed the music and was dancing every time it came on.  He was also laughing when he responded correctly because he knew the music was next. I could see this motivated him to respond the second time we began.

                This program has a small fee of 30 dollars a year for a parent use and a bit more to use utilize both at home and school in correlation with a teacher. It was very easy to get started and within a couple of minutes we were already using the program. I also noticed with Talk to Learn it could easily help any child with spelling simply from the repetitive sight of the words. So don’t be too quick to think this is just an autism based program.

                It is very hard for my son to hold his attention span for very long and I love the fact for 30 dollars we are in for a year. Today he spent a short time on it but if we continue to use it every day and it becomes part of his routine, possibly a few times a day, he will stay put for a bit longer each time. There is a time limit on a response which I also really like because we can move on quickly and that will also help to keep him engaged in the task on hand. Boredom causes him to pull back and find something better to do and most programs we have tried created boredom immediately. Talk to Learn did not give him room for boredom. He was making huge efforts to repeat the words and did in fact say the word school. A new word for us to hear from him!

                Bottom line and my opinion for what it is worth this program is great! Everything with my son’s autism takes time and patience. I don’t have to buy an Ipad to give him an option to make progress. We now have a year to utilize this for what would cost me in a month to keep an Ipad in service. I am a thrifty mom and I also do not like technology much so having an option that is affordable and easy is a blessing.  The link for this program is above and I really encourage everyone to give it a try. If you do, make sure to let the creator know your experience as he has worked very hard on this to help autism move forward. This man could have easily put a high price on the program but I don’t believe his goal is to make a killing off of a big demand for resources. It’s flat out just to fill a desire he could see was needed.

                Thank You Autism Unlocked and my son thanks you to!