Tuesday, December 8, 2015

A Very Different Christmas This Year

   The Christmas events are in full swing and chaos of holidays will soon be over.  For some families Christmas means family a child doesn't appear to acknowledge, food that will be completely refused, public stares from people who don't understand meltdowns from crowded stores, and potentially presents that aren't played with or need to be opened by someone else.  In our house Christmas used to be a reminder of how much of a hold autism had on my son and so many families will experience that feeling this year.

   At 4 years old my son expressed no interest in Christmas.  Santa was nothing that grabbed his attention and even still overwhelms him to look at.  Christmas morning we would get up excited like all typical families but our Christmas was far from typical.  There was no interest in what was in a stocking and I spent a long time going through it all with him just hoping one thing would get his attention.  We would all wait patiently and try to guide him on how to open a present which always ended with either myself or one of his amazing opening gifts for him.  Again, hoping once he could see what was under that wrapping paper, he would grow excited to rip into the next one but it didn't happen.  What would happen is he would focus only on one item and have absolutely no interest in anything else.  Sometimes I would feel as though that was a blessing because he never begged for a toy, expected anything, he was never disappointed in a gift, and I knew to keep gifts minimal.  Not only because he would have no interest in them all but because minimal prevented him from a meltdown over trying to process to much.  Other times I longed to see him be able to express excitement and rip into presents like it was the greatest day of the year.  I would catch myself feeling guilty for wanting something people told me may never be capable of doing.

  I know other moms or dads out there are preparing for a Christmas similar to one I just described and I want those parents to know things change.  My son is 6 now and last week I wrapped some presents after he went to bed and put them under the tree.  At 5:00 am the next day a very excited boy blasted into my bedroom with a remote control dinosaur he just could not contain himself over and had to show me.  I was shocked to see he had managed to silently sneak downstairs and open that present and even more shocked when I went downstairs to see he had not just opened one present but all of them.  I gathered the gifts and explained to him he is not to touch the presents again until Christmas morning and he didn't protest at all when I put the gifts away, I suspect because he knew very well what he had done.  I was upset he now knows many of his presents and overjoyed he just could not contain himself at the same time!

   This is the first year Christmas is approaching with great anticipation each day.  Grandma pitched in by providing an advent calendar to help pass the days.  He is checking the tree every day for the number of presents to grow and he can't wait to see if Santa will bring him the book he wants so badly from Barnes and Noble.  He was a nonverbal little boy who barely acknowledged the holiday 2 years ago and now we are approaching a very different Christmas.  To all the parents out there wondering if it will ever change, believe it can and believe it will because it does.  Don't feel guilty for craving that crazy Christmas morning but feel guilty for letting anyone convince you it might never happen....it can.

   We are often told of the struggles that are unpredictable with autism but we need to remember that triumphs are just as unpredictable and no one can tell you what the next day or year will bring.